how much does a girl with no college education know?

that's a question i'd like to pose to anyone in a higher postition than myself at my company where i work. i know it's not a secret i work at wal-mart, and you seriously don't need to be a rocket scientist to work there. not even remotely.

see, i had an interview yesterday, with my store manager and the market human resource manager. we'll call them joe and sherril for all intents and purposes. the whole blog will be about this, so if this kind of thing bores you to tears then stop reading kiddies and move on, for i think i'll bore the shit out of you, so bad that you'll need to listen to 45 or hold on, and commit suicide (not really).

i have the best manager in the world.

i believe that with all my heart and soul.

and this is why.

my career with this company started on septemeber 16, 2007, which puts me there for 5 months. i was hired by a co, let's call him...rich. he was a very nice, soft spoken, but larger than life presence manager. i made sure i thanked him for the opportunity and relished the fact that after more than half of my life of wanting to work there, i was going to get my chance to show a company i believed in, what i could do. i was estatic. more than that, i thought i had finally found my niche, that i was home, that i could change the world being a cashier in a small iowa store.

i knew i was wrong, but i have delusions of grandeur.

whatever.

anyway, at the time, i had an assistant, named...kollin. he creeped me out at first, looking at people like he was the man with the meathook, coming to rip out my heart and eat it in front of my dying corpse.

i'm not even exaggerating, you should meet the guy and then tell me that you really don't get the same vibe after talking to him for five minutes.

moving on--i did my job, and there was some firing and quitting, you know how it goes, and long story short, kollin moved my up to CSM, in 44 days. customer service manager. he believed i could do the job, as did all the others, CSM's i mean, i don't care or didn't care about what everyone else thought at the time.

so hey, now i was in a management postition in a billion dollar a year corporation. wow.

i shouldn't have been. not because i'm not capable, not because i can't do the job, but because at that time, i should have known i wasn't going to get the correct training for my position. and i'm all about training. and also, then schyler got sick with MRSA, which was fucking horrible, and i had to leave shortly after recieving the promotion. i was at home taking care of my son, making sur ehe could get by with this sick disease raviging his lungs.

a month in being gone, i was going to throw in the towel. i almost called the store and told them i'd be there regardless of what was going on at home. i almost said fuck what was going on here, and told them i wanted to come back. but i didn't do anything.

and then out of the blue, joe, remember me telling you about him? he called me and asked me if i wanted to come back, that i did a good job, that he really enjoyed me being here, and he believed in me.

i couldn't talk to him, i cried and told him i'd call him as soon as i could, and then hung up on him, sobbing into my fist like i'd seen so many times on other people.

someone like that believed a little fat chick from nowhere that was nothing was worth their time to call me and ask me to come back.

oh fuck, did i bawl.

i went in there the next day, looking for him. and when i saw his face, i wanted to cry again, just because it hit me right there, you know what i mean? anyway, i ended up coming back and getting everything straighened out. i've been working without many interruptions for almost3 months. my training has been shit. but i've tried to train myself, asking the questions i needed to to learn all about my position. i went to personnel and told them that i felt it was lacking, and they reassured me (they're good at that) and sent me on my way.

now, two weeks ago, almost, i had a short encounter with joe again. they're few and far between, and i like it when he talks to me like an equal, he's good at that. but he came to me and asked me to apply for the personnel manager job that had been recently vacated. i hadn't even thought about it, and it struck me odd that this man i respected asked me to try out for it.

i have HR background for small companies, sure.
i have training background too.
but i have only been with wal-mart for not even five months.

see what i mean?

but i applied, not really caring if i got it, because i knew i wouldn't. hands down i know two other people that have more experience here than i do. i know that there's other people who would be so much better.

but i did, since i respect him.

2 days ago, i had my interview with him. it went well, and at the end he asked me what i thought had made him decide to tell me to apply. i told him that it was the personality that i had, the way i felt about the company, and the way that i tried.

he said yes.

so i walked out of there feeling better about it, but unsure if i did well enough.

he called me an hour later asking me for a second interview. so i said yes.

i waited an hour and a half after my shift to have this interview, since i wanted it to be over with. and i went. there were a lot of things that i didn't know. alot of things she confused me on, not telling me what she wanted to know about, so i was clumsy and not in the right mindset. i knew i would not be getting the position when she told joe she wanted someone who had the knowledge of the store, and all the things around it, and preferred someone with a degree.

but he did something that broke my heart in that interview.

he went to bat for me, telling her how i was so polite and cared about every single person that came in that place. telling her how i was very good at what i do, even though i wasn't there long or had much training. telling her how he believed in me.

i walked away knowing how great this man that everyone can't stand actually was.

i cried.

sad thing is? i can't tell a soul at work how wonderful he is.

and that breaks my heart that a man that works that hard, can't have the person he asked to be in the position since he thought i was worth it, in it.

and again, i'll pose the question.

how much does a girl with no college education know?

more than someone who has one. i know that a man that i respect and care for in a professional setting, is wonderful, and for the rest of my life, i will always remember how much he meant to me, personally and professionally.

thank you joe becker. thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done for me.

you are appreciated too, sir.

for a minute, i think i matter, and that's all i care about

so pete reads his comments on his new blog. that makes me smile, and for some reason, kinda warm inside. there are a lot of smart people who comment there, but for the most part, there's a lot of kids who just want his attention.

personally, i don't care if i have his.

he's just another person, abeit a little interesting, that makes me smile. so when he talks, i take the time to talk back. in all actuallity i should do that with all my online friends, but i don't know them as well as i want to. so as soon as i do, i will.

although, pete, if you ever do read this, don't think i'm a freak. i kinda love you in a 'ohmygoditspetewentzholyshit' kinda way. and also, 'this is one guy i could be friends with'. yeah i mostly hang out with idiots that like to pull pranks and fuck off for life.

god, i realized i need adult friends, lol.

also, just so you know, the people i'm friends with could be friends of yours too, if we knew you in the real world. they're cool like that.

OT: i am so glad that schyler's healthy right now. since we're losing his insurance, if he got sick and needed to be inpatient, we would be fucked. that's what you get when your kid has cystic fibrosis/cystic fibrosis related diabetes/cirrohsis/asthma/ADHD/OCD/and depression.

oh and petey...if you're ever in iowa and want to meet a cool kid who for some ungodly known reason wants to be just like you when you grow up, lemme know. you guys would be great pals. i don't think he'll ever want to grow up either. but would you if you were him?

really?

five reasons why i adore (put a name here)

i decided, in my minor delusional episode, to tell you, and whoever is reading this, 5 reasons why i adore certain people. they range from people i know in real life, to people i met on the internet. if your name comes up and you want it off, then let me know, i'll delete it.

enjoy.

schyler aren:
1.) my first born
2.) the only person i tell every secret to
3.) you accept me for who i am
4.) you have my heart wrapped around your little finger
5.) in all my insane ranting, you've found a way not to be like me

sethers:
1.) my xerox
2.) my baby boy
3.) you want to change your name to set, and have since you found out who set was
4.) you think you're from jupiter
5.) unfortunately, you're as crazy as me.

joey joe:
1.) you love me unconditionally
2.) no matter what or who i like, you try to like it too
3.) your hugs are amazing
4.) you haven't let my craziness ruin us
5.) your eyes are like the answer to every question i've ever had

pete:
1.) you're a little crazy too
2.) you're not afraid to be yourself
3.) your scratchy voice melts my heart
4.) you have an extensive mind that allows you to believe in the most out of this world things
5.) two words: neverland and pan

patrick martin:
1.) when i hear your voice i can't think sometimes
2.) no matter what everyone thinks you look like, you're still you to me
3.) musical genius
4.) you care, even when you think you don't
5.) you love pete, and only god knows why

sarah:
1.) your wit
2.) your creativity
3.) you have a heart breaking philosophy towards life
4.) gabilliam
5.) you like me for me

that's all i want to put for now, maybe add more later.
love and insaneness to you all, be well.

so Petey got himself a new blog.
he needs something to occupy the hours with.
for those of you hanging with me, don't go rushing over to see what you're missing.
take your time, he's just posting pics and wanting to see what you have to say.

other news.....
i think i'm in serious like with a short, strawberry blonde, kinda soft looking younger guy, lmao!
he's a hottie in every sense of the word, and not that it's news, but it dawned on me at 4 am, that it is true.

my family thinks i might be crazier than normal.
i made them listen to PATD, FOB, CS, and MCS(motioncitysoundtrack for those not in the know) yesterday all day.
it was fabulous!


serious thought of the day folks?
where in the hell are we going to move to? and how?

brain's working in overload

anyone with bi-polar disorder, or anyone living with someone who has it, knows that there is no cure. promises are broken. love is a pain we throw away. hate is what we cling to. i haven't taken my meds in so long, i can't remember what it feels like anymore. my husband hates me, and i have no love for anyone anymore. no one except for my anger at the world. i love that, thrive on it, and right now am drinking it as it slides down my throat into the valley of hell that lives inside, deep inside my belly. if i didn't have kids right now, i wouldn't be here right now. razor blades and pills are too easy anymore. i'm looking death in the face, only this time, it's me i'm staring back at. the me they've all come to love in the last few years has died as i tried to make her come back. no one wants a used container, they want it new, without the damage, and he's no different. what they don't know is that i know what's going on--they all use me for and end to a means, and i like a volleyed ball in the court, take it with a smile. and really, it's death is see smiling back at me, with blood in their mouth, and poision dripping off the teeth. no make me smile as the medicine takes me away again, making me this creature that no one loves or loved. they never will, ever. and the only one to blame is me and my overused and over energetic brain. only it knows why i do what i do. and that makes what's left of a scared little girl that no one wants, very very very sad. hate is the machine, i just use it.

OT: the city is at war video--see it. funny. as. hell. damn you Gabe Saporta.

save your goddamn reciepts!! joe is the shit, and what to do when you have nothing to do

working at wal-mart as a CSM has made me become a fucking nazi about keeping your reciept. we have policies we have to enforce and people just do not get it. no, i will not let you return your air mattress for the 50th time just because it has a leak. call the motherfucking manufacturer or quit using the fuckers for sex play! no will not let you return the computer you bought 6 months ago, when our policy clearly states that you have 15 motherfucking-goddamn days.

asses.

on to other news, I love Joe Trohman almost as much as I love petey and patrick. he is like the coolest son of a bitch i have ever had the pleasure of reading. he has a way with words that make you feel special, although maybe it comes from the fact that he's fan himself. i dunno, all i do know is, is that i love him, want to hug him and rub his fro. /end

send your loved ones some fun christmas cards that are mostly hate mail. fuck em if they can't a joke.

have a good day peeps and pete, quit reading my shit, and i'll quit reading yours. ha!